Emotional intelligence has always been something I’ve valued, not just as a “nice to have,” but as a foundational part of how I connect, communicate, and lead. The ability to understand people, navigate emotions, and respond with intention has shaped my work and relationships in ways that technical skills alone never could.

The good news? Emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill set, and like any skill, it can be cultivated with awareness and practice.

Here are five habits seen in emotionally intelligent people, along with ways to strengthen them in your own life:

🔹 1. They get curious about people

Truly emotionally intelligent people aren’t easily bored in conversation. They don’t dismiss others, even when they don’t immediately click. Instead, they find a way in. They stay curious. They ask thoughtful questions, not to fill the silence, but to discover something interesting or valuable.

To build this skill: Set a personal challenge to find one thing genuinely interesting about every person you speak with. Imagine you’ll be introducing them at an event or including them in a profile piece, what story, insight, or lesson would you want to highlight? This mental exercise shifts your focus from passive listening to intentional discovery.

🔹 2. They embrace weakness as a growth moment

High emotional intelligence isn’t about being flawless, it’s about how we respond when we’re not. Emotionally intelligent people view mistakes and setbacks as useful data. Rather than avoid discomfort, they lean into it, reflect on it, and extract something valuable from the experience.

To build this skill: Start a Growth Journal. Each time something big doesn’t go as planned, take a few minutes to write down what happened, what contributed to it, and what you learned. This practice trains your brain to see failure not as an endpoint, but as a source of insight and progress. Even for smaller mishaps you can do the exercise mentally and start to reframe the narrative in your mind, for yourself and importantly, for others too.

🔹 3. They can identify their emotions precisely

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just feel things—they label those emotions with accuracy. They resist the urge to generalise their feelings as just “good” or “bad,” and instead develop the language to name what they’re really experiencing. They also take the time to notice what they’re feeling and why. They don’t rush to shut emotions down or brush them aside. Instead, they pause long enough to understand them.

To build this skill: Expand your emotional vocabulary. Instead of defaulting to “angry” or “stressed,” consider whether the emotion is really disappointed, overwhelmed, irritated, or discouraged. Each word carries a different nuance—and being able to name emotions more precisely helps you respond with clarity instead of confusion.

🔹 4. They pick up on unspoken cues

Emotionally intelligent people are perceptive—they notice what’s unsaid just as much as what’s spoken. Body language, facial expressions, tone, and energy shifts provide clues that guide how they respond and engage with others. I’ve always believed that what people don’t say often matters just as much as what they do. Tone, expression, body language—they all speak volumes. Emotional intelligence includes the ability to pick up on those subtle shifts, to read a room, to sense when something’s off or when someone’s not being fully heard.

To build this skill: Start paying attention to three types of nonverbal cues in your everyday interactions—facial expressions, body posture, and vocal tone. Choose one to focus on per day, and take mental notes on how these cues change in different situations. Over time, this will help sharpen your emotional radar and improve your ability to respond with empathy and insight. If this doesn’t come naturally, the good news is it can be learned. Start by simply observing more closely: What does someone’s face do when they’re uncertain? What changes when they’re excited or tense? With practice, your emotional literacy improves—and so does your ability to respond meaningfully.

🔹 5. They assert their boundaries—without guilt

Being emotionally intelligent includes knowing when to say no, and doing so with calm clarity. Assertive communication isn’t about being forceful; it’s about being honest and respectful, and without feeling like you have to apologise for it, while staying aligned with your own values and capacity. Emotionally intelligent people understand their capacity and communicate it clearly. Assertiveness isn’t about being forceful. It’s about being clear—and trusting that honesty is a strength, not a liability.

To build this skill: Practice writing and rehearsing boundary-setting phrases you can use in real scenarios. Examples include:“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not available for that right now.”“I appreciate the opportunity, but I need to prioritise other commitments.”Having these phrases ready makes it easier to speak up when needed—without hesitation or regret.

Emotional intelligence isn’t always visible from the outside, but it shows up in every interaction. It isn’t loud or flashy. It often shows up in small, powerful moments, when we pause instead of react, listen instead of judge, and choose growth instead of fear. It helps us connect more deeply, lead more authentically, and navigate challenges with clarity and calm.

It’s not something you’re necessarily born with or without. It’s a practice. And it’s one that, in my experience, pays off in every area of life. And like any skill worth mastering, it starts with small, consistent practice.